Hey

I'm thinking I might leave DA. I dunno..

I didn't really receive any messages in the month I was absent, and every time I'd come back and see nothing but journals and deviations, I just got more and more uninspired to do.. well, anything. I just think I was doing everything for all the wrong reasons. I always drew as a kid because I always wanted to be a great artist.. that dream kinda died thru jr. high and early high school. I became horribly depressed and lonely over the near 5 years and I had no friends. My life just seemed pointless.

But early 2007, I stumbled across TaniDaReal's website and fell in love with her art, soon I started drawing my own wolves and people at school started noticing them and liking them. I really enjoyed challenging myself and trying to be as awesome as Tani, and then I came to DA..

I got my first taste of comments, favorites, and the whole DA experience. At the time I didn't even realize, but I started to crave the comments, and favs. I became addicted to them. So I started cranking out sketch after sketch, and two years of this and I finally take a step back.

I don't want this.. I never wanted other people's opinions, I started off doing it for the love of doing it.. Now I'm just some.. comment-whore. I hate uploading a drawing I think is great, that I think will make me famous, finally. I'd always upload at night and not be able to sleep because I was so excited to read my hundreds of comments the next day. I'd have dreams about logging on DA and seeing "1309823 new messages" (random numberpad hit of course lol) Then I'd be lucky to get a fav.. and I always got so disappointed.. even after I was so proud of myself for my sweet drawing.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I was just masquerading an artist the whole time, I always got so jealous and worked-up by other REAL artist's tens of thousands of pageviews and hundreds of comments. I realize now that the whole two years was fueled by jealousy, and that I'm an extremely jealous person... As much as I hate to admit it..

But now, I'd like to turn a leaf. Art will be something I will work at. I will never be an artist, but I will always love art. I'm not going to put myself up against the big dogs anymore, I'll just have a fit because they have more comments than me lol.

But I digress...

I'd like to find a way to put my drawings up so my friends far away can still see them if they want, but all these sites like DA and FA, like I said, just get me worked up, and that's not good for me Perhaps I'll dust off the ol' live journal account. We'll see, I suppose.

take care, guys
Thanks for all the support, I love you all
-Carmyne