..it's for venting.

So hey guys, me again.

Lately it's dawned on me, that nobody really cares and I really don't make a difference to anybody. I honestly feel that in my life nobody has ever looked to me for advice, help, support, or love. Nobody has ever treated me an equal, I've always been talked down to like I'm not smart enough to realize it. Nobody has ever kept me at their side, they've always stepped in front of me and made me the subordinate. I am no fucking subordinate. I don't know why, but now I can't just smile and hold my tongue anymore, I can't keep my feeling closed up. I can see myself changing before my eyes, turning from that nice guy you don't really give a shit about, to that lonely asshole that never trusts anyone. I had a thought a few days ago, about where I might be if I never opened up in high school and made friends. Where I might be now if I had stayed a loner and never let anyone close. It would have stopped the saddening loss, the frustrating 'favors', and the wounding betrayal.